Can you handle the jandal? I can’t!
May 14, 2009 by Rachel Goodchild
Filed under Beautiful You, Dating, Singles, The Outsides of Us
I blogged yesterday about getting a backlash on my article about putting a bit of effort into looking good long after you’ve got your man. Apparently it’s an old fashioned concept and not accepting how far we’ve come, and all that. I actually used to think that too a little. Til I worked out it was a great excuse for not really putting in any effort and was really more about the fact I was feeling a little down about myself.
I tweeted on twitter about the blog and it started an interesting discussion. Most men LOVE women to put some effort in. And they like to think it’s going on continue on well into the relationship. While talking about it however another matter came up- whether men put effort in when going on dates.
To be honest there are some men out there who have a superb sense of style. They look great and think about what suits and they dress well. And it’s great when you know a guy has put a little thought into what they wear. I remember admitting to a guy that I’d definitely thought about what I was wearing because I knew we were meeting for coffee that day and him responding that he’d changed three times that morning before he’d settled on what he was going to wear because of that same coffee. How to make a clothes loving girl melt!
I mentioned on twitter (by the way feel free to follow me on twitter! ) how two guys I’ve been out with have arrived wearing jandals. Now I don’t know about you. But unless it’s a beach picnic or a yoga class, jandals to a date is a NO NO NO NO! It speaks volumes about lack of effort and lack of taste.
Men’s toenails don’t often get the luxury of pretty paint to make them look better, and they just do not need to be on show. Another girl on twitter said she had a date pick her up in a Porsche which impressed her, but then she saw the jandals on the feet. And she just couldn’t get past it. At all. So can I handle the jandal? No. I can’t. And I suspect there is many a women out there who feels EXACTLY the same way.
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I can’t help get the feeling that there is a difference between dating and seeking a relationship. In dating, sure you want to put in the effort and have memorable dates – fair enough.
But the evidence of seeing the same faces on the same dating websites year in and year out suggests that actually they’re not really interested in anything beyond permanently being in the relationship equivalent of having the engine revving for all it’s worth, but not ever putting it in gear.
Relationship (to me anyway) is about relating to people AS THEY ARE – not as you’d like them to be. It’s pretty simple, and yet we come up with all manner of very rational-sounding excuses to keep ourselves out of the scary things they are.
I’ve had some enjoyably memorable “first dates”. Hell – I’ve even skinny-dipped in public on a first date… in broad daylight… and been sprung by other hikers. A hike for a first date? Yeah – that’s who someone is going to have to relate to if they want a relationship with me – it’s part of who I am. And it’s a great example of what I really like – those times when two people make things memorable BECAUSE they DID NOT put in the effort – actually, it was effortless, and there is a connection there which makes itself.
That said… it’s all about context. Wearing jandals in a Porsche is just wrong by anyone’s standards. And dressing up for a night out with someone you actually know is great. But dressing up for a meeting with a stranger who could be a complete fraud? No thanks – let’s just meet for a casual lunch. If we don’t like each other as relaxed as we can get, it doesn’t bode well for anything more.