Well it’s kind of inappropriate….

I don’t think I’ve ever been a purist when expecting men to suddenly stop looking at other women or flirting, or even glimpsing the odd provocative image when “accidentally” typing in the phrase “hot girls xxx” into Google.

After talking to hundreds of both married and single men over the last few years in depth about how they see relationships, women, sex and working it all in together I’ve become even more convinced that men need a little “inappropriate behavior” even in the context of a happy and solid relationship.
*btw, women need it too, though only some women choose to operate their right to have it*

I do think that the reason so many men end up cheating, becoming addicted to porn/ or on the edge sexual behavior or doing things beyond the basic innocence of looking and the odd flirtation is that there is not enough women relaxing into talking it over with their partner, and understanding it isn’t about that person not being totally into them.

I still believe in monogamy. I still believe you can find someone you want to be with for the rest of your life. However I no longer believe that “perfection” is all about pretending nothing else is going on around you in terms of attraction and curiosity.

Come on girls- trust your men enough to let them take a peek at a few “things” now and again, and men, trust that we don’t mind, and it’s ok to talk about it with us girls.(though don’t do what a friend did and go home every day with a list of hot women he’d seen, wondering why it was impacting the relationship. we don’t want SPECIFICS. We want general guidelines) I think so much goes wrong because we just are not honest enough with each other to talk about our own needs and desires. And that’s just selling everyone short.

Do people cross the line? Yes. I’ve had a few experiences myself where married or attached men have flirted and tried it on with me, without telling me they are married. Those men are treading a fine line of what is inappropriate and what is dangerous. if a guy is married, the flirting is different – you appreciate but don’t take it anywhere destructive.

There are some men who become addicted to the thrill of seeking new attention, or to watching more and more porn or some other aspect of sexual curiosity. And then this can be a huge destructive force instead of adding a bit of healthy tension and interest into the relationship.

So instead, sit down with your partner and work out your couple “inappropriate behavior” guidelines. Then perhaps everyone’s going to start feeling a little more satisfied.

1. *oh, and to add a little spice to this….. I’m a big beleiver in the truth that you should not expect your partner to be monogamous if you are not having sex with them yourself (as in long term partnerships) If you don’t want to have sex with them, it’s not fair to expect they will just do without. Talk it out, and work out a solution. Or cope with indiscretions.

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