Is social networking ruining your social life?
June 21, 2009 by Rachel Goodchild
Filed under Single Life, Singles, socialnetworking
When I first started internet dating I discovered it could really play with your head. You’d be talking to someone, you’d be dating them, and then if you logged on, you’d see them online , probably chatting to other girls (damn that green online light!) I foind a great way to combat it- I just changed my settings so that other people couldn’t tell I was online, and just didn’t look them up. After all, dating in the early stages is all about deciding whether people are right- and sometimes that means people will keep on chatting to people. I also discovered that you can make friends on these sites that you chat to without it being about anything other than friendship.
The thing is if I’d been dating someone who I’d met in real life I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. I would have just assumed they (and I ) were living out our lives, and then would enjoy the next date without any of the angst.
it’s so easy to see if someone is online. We have online status everywhere from dating sites, to MSN, to facebook, and to a degree twitter. And we can’t just see whether they are on line- we can often see exactly what they were thinking or doing only moments before. Nothing seems private anymore. (It’s a stalkers dream really)
When Jennifer Anniston broke up with John Mayer apparently because he was saying he was too busy, but still tweeting to his followers it became clear that the allure of connecting with many is often far more than the thought of connecting with one. And no one is immune to being caught up in it. The “I’m busy ” excuse has always been seen as a brush off to women- and here was proof once and for all that it was true “I’m busy” never means “I’m busy”. It means “You are no longer as important as…. (fill in the gaps). When that thing is twitter, or facebooking it’s gotta sting.
For many of us (and this social networking whore would be right in there with you) has our love of connecting with a crowd surpassed our desire for real life one to one interactions with others?
The thing is one to one relationships are far scarier. we have our own thoughts and actions mirrored in the reactions of the people we directly relate to. When we use facebook or twitter to communicate we can get some of the same buzz of socialising without any of the checks and balances real life gives us. I’ve said before on here that I am more comfortable in front of a crowd of thousands than with an audience of one (it’s a Joan Baez quote). But as I’m aware of this, I’m actively trying to change it. I think, as much as I love the outpouring streams of consciousness social networking sites brings, the friendships I’ve made through it, and the connections with people I certainly would never have met otherwise, it’s the one to one in depth relationships that are going to bring both me and the other person the deepest benefit.
If it’s getting to the stage where most of your friends are online, or connected to you via the internet alone, then what are you missing out on just outside your front door?
I’m still a social networking whore, who is also lucky enough to have a vibrant and rich social life I love. I don’t think you need one at the cost of the other, but if it comes down to choice, choose the real instead of the virtual. Don’t let social networking ruin your social life.
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HI Rachel
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I think you have hit the nail on the head , especially the online status , I personally do keep mine limited , as you say it is disappointing when you see someone you have just been chatting to say , bye as they have to ‘run off and do something and yet they seem to be still online even after you have said bye , it also rings true when you have been talking to someone and then you see they are online and they are not talking to you , its that whole imagined rejection even though they may have a perfectly valid reason.
I agree it is easier to talk to people online than in real life as we sometimes have created an image whether true or not of what we think they are like and sometimes people don’t measure up in real life
we need to step outside our door more often but have the problem is the instant gratification that the online world gives people. Happy Sunday hope yours has been relaxing
Good day Rachel. What an interesting point you had made. And what an interesting point ravencrow had made.I was thinking that I was becoming mad with the world of blogging until this moment. For a long time I was like a village bumpkin who shunned the world of computers and cellphones. People would laugh at me saying that they have to be born again near where I live to get in touch with me.I would be introduced as someone who does not have a cell phone and people would look at me shocked as if I was pre historic cave man who wondered what a car was. But that has changed and suddenly people are wondering about this pre historic specimen who is clicking away and connecting on the computer like a newly addicted ass from the Amazon. I created a blog and now there are 4 of them to showcase my work. It is deliberately designed to impress prospective clients to give me assignments. I do not show my CV. I tell them to look at my work and decide whether they want to hire this donkey or not.
And then I got into blogs for the fun of it. NOW THEY ARE MAKING ME AS CRAZY AS A DRUNKEN COOT. Blogging has made me emotional about my connections. Then I thought I must consult a psychologist to see if I have any brains left between my ears. I thought that if someone talked into my left ear the person on the right maybe able to hear everything because there is a vacuum in between.
THEN YOU SAID IT. I jumped with joy. I said I’m sane. It was OK that I am a blog chimpanzee jumping from tree to tree.
You are my psychologist who cured me. Initially I connected as a friendly commentator. Like you have rightly said, it was a kick different from the one-to-one relationships where there are checks and balances. I cannot go to the girl next door and say, ” Ma’am you are so beautiful, I think I love you!!” It will be social blasphemy. But on the blog I can say that and the response will be, ” You are so kind, thank you.” Because the other person is pleased with comment that has come from thousands of miles away.The insect is not near and distance makes insects look fascinating.
The blog or net becomes a medium of expression, electronic anonymity and fantasies not possible in daily life. It is also refreshing to know various thought around the world and become more crazy. We know it is just a computer, the satellite waves, the oscilloscope, the RGB gun, the chip and a screen projection.
But still we connect because we know that there is human soul and intelligence that we are talking to. After all the computer is made by a human.Not a UFO and that would be very interesting because I talk to beautiful with two heads and twenty hearts from venus, pluto and mars.
I know that RACHEL is a human and not a robot. Tomorrow we can become very very good blog pals but the moment a crowd comes here you may not have the time to read my garbage. I will feel e-rejected.
Right now I am madly in love with a blog girl. One week and there is no reply. I am feeling as foolish as I am feeling sad.
I am going to mail her a letter and ask where she is and I will write a poem.From my heart, from my soul and from my idiot computer which neither has heart nor soul.
Thank you. I bow to you all. can I hear an applause of relief?
I’m just sad Sunday has almost departed…. I’m not quite ready for monday
Thanks for the comments- I love people telling me what they think about this stuff.