Is it more fun to stay single?

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now- especially as someone who has discovered how much she loves to be single. Not, as many people assume, cos it gives me a chance to permanently continue my skank year ways, but because I thoroughly enjoy my own company.

I’ve had a beautifully social weekend- I’ve spent time with both friends and family, been out, and had some decent talks. I’ve connected with people in the last few days, but I’ve also had one of those sweet luxuries- a bed all to myself last night with AMAZING sheets, and a quiet and empty house to wake up in this morning.

I love spending time with people, but I also love having time by myself.

My children and I all love Pink’s Leave me Alone song- they like it in the main because they get to sing the word “fuck” that I would normally glare at them for saying- but they also understand the message too – that space gives us time to enjoy the moments when we have none.

I don’t see myself as single for the rest of my life. And recently there have been indicators in how I react to other people’s declarations of love, or commitment that show my first reaction is no longer to run off in a panic that it might be somehow catching. But I do think if it doesn’t happen, I’m not going to be devastated.

So much of what we can get from being in a couple, we get more of from NOT being in a couple. I get to go out more, get to choose and make up my own mind about things without consulting someone, can have company if I want it, and if I don’t- well I can fix that too. Let’s be honest- anything you can get in a couple – you CAN get OUTSIDE of a couple- you just need to source it from a variety of people. – though I would say that even in a couple we need to meet our needs from more than just that one person.

Moving past that need for that partner to be the be all and end all of our social needs is so important. In fact one thing I know is that some of the loneliest moments I’ve ever felt was when I was part of a couple- because loneliness isn’t anything about the people we have around us, but instead it’s all about how we are feeling about ourselves.

My mum used to say that pairing up happens really when two people who are ready to pair up meet- it’s a sort of both being in the same place at the same time sort of thing. I think that is essentially true. I think until then we often think we want it,but if it is handed to us, we run. Timing is about whether we really are ready- if you think you are but it never quite happens, maybe it’s cos you want it, but some part of you is holding back, saying “wait”

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