My wife won’t have sex with me.
September 27, 2009 by Rachel Goodchild
Filed under Couples and Partnerships, Infidelity, Sex and Sexuality, sex
Of course there are alternatives to complete abstinence.
Hi Rachel,
My wife has deprived me of sex for the past five weeks now and she does that every now and then. she is not at all in the mood of having sex and I’m starving. I don’t have money to visit a brothel. could you please let me know if there are some girls who might want to have casual sex (for free) and no links attached. Please I’m very desperate and just don’t know what to do. please could you help me.
Awaiting you reply
Admittedly I kind of asked for this email when I spoke on Breakfast on the five things a wife can do to encourage their man to have an affair.
The sad thing is there are alot of places that men can get free sex. Many women prefer to have sex with attached men as they can be a little naughtier, they don’t want the issues “real relationships” come with, and they get off on the illicitness of it. Married women often like cheating with married men as it means they are both in the same boat, which brings less guilt.
BUT that really isn’t the issue here.
Sure I said women shouldn’t deprive men from having sex with them. What was not said was why women do it. And this is about the men and how they are relating to the women.
Sex is our most intimate form of communication. Most women find it very very difficult to have sex in a long term relationship if there are underlying issues of unhappiness, anger or stress in the relationship. (Men struggle with this too). Women often struggle to bring up their feelings either because they feel you will belittle them, or because they’ve tried to talk it over and you’ve rebuffed it in the past, or because they get caught in a cycle of self martyrdom and need someone to coax them out of it.
If your wife stops having sex with you then it’s up to you to bring it up AWAY from the bedroom and ask if there is something you are doing that is causing an issue. Work it out and talk it out, and listen to your wife’s heart.
Yes, men do cheat when women turn off the sex supply. That doesn’t make the cheating right, and it doesn’t make it excusable. If the sex has stopped in your relationship, instead of fixing it with a quick shag with a random, fix it by talking to your partner and solving it.
If this is not acceptable to you then you need to ask yourself- why are you in a relationship with someone you can’t talk about this with. The problem then is far bigger than whether you are having sex or not. It’s about the very base roots of why you choose to be with someone who you are choosing not to be honest with. Which means it’s not about them withdrawing- it’s about why you are letting them go.
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Thank you for posting this. I was a bit pissed off after reading your post yesterday. Even though it was tongue in cheek it seemed like you were saying it’s ok to cheat if you can’t get any from your wife, or she wears ugly clothes.
Glad to see that’s not your official position! :]
My official position is this:
wives- you need to open your eyes and look at how your behaviour affects your husbands- and realise no one’s behaviour generally spouts from bing a “bad” person but after a range of other things happen first…
and husbands- if your wive is not having sex with you, face it, talk about it and sort it instead of bandaiding it up with cheating.
Affairs happen all the time- but they happen because we choose not to risk a few weeks of tantrums and arguments, and try to keep the peace with dishonesty, instead of actually trying to communicate what is going on between us.
I don’t agree with cheating. But I do see why it happens- and it is not just the “fault” of the cheating party for a large percentage of the time.
I was flabbergasted when I read this. Seriously, five weeks – a mere FIVE WEEKS – without sex and instead of asking for help to repair his marriage, he’s asking you where he can get a shag!!! WTF?!
The issue of sexless marriage got a bit of media coverage in Australia a few months back after the publication of Bettina Arndt’s book The Sex Diaries, which dealt with that topic. There were stories of men who had gone without sex for months – some FOR YEARS – yet they were still faithful to their wives because they LOVED them and they were committed to their life to together, even if they were unhappy with one aspect of it.
And this guy’s gone without for just over a month but he’s already looking elsewhere for sex. What a loving, caring, considerate, understanding, respectful husband. Frankly, I think she would be better off knowing his true colours and finding someone else.
I just love seeing these posts that set the man up as the bad guy because he can’t sleep with his wife becaus she refuses so instead he has an outside fling. for whatever the reason may be, if she isn’t sleeping with him she must know how it’s affecting him and she should take some of the responsibility. Not all people are in relationships for just sex but your just lying to yourself if you don’t believe it’s a major part of it. By going weeks or months without sex your just saying, “I know this is important to you and it may damage our relationship but I really don’t care enough about you to do anything about it”.