What to do when gossip hits home?

 

A few weeks ago a couple of close friends starting acting a bit weird around me. I wasn’t too sure what had happened- in fact I was busy enough to not notice at first. But there was a reserved feeling when I talked to them, and at first I thought I’d done something to offend them
Actually I had offended them- but from nothing I’d actually done to them at all.
You see there is someone who does have something against me. And like most things there are two sides to all stories- both of us would probably swear that the other person is in the wrong. I know it’s a matter of two people coming against each other with different viewpoints. It’s a historic issue, and actually I had moved on from her, and the problem long ago.
However it seems she hasn’t. at least not to talk about it with our mutual friends. And whether she or I is the “righter” person now doesn’t really matter. Because she’s passed the offence on.
I learnt this years ago when I shared an offence I had with an ex, with my (then) new husband. I moved completely on a few months later (hey, I’d vented and got it all out) but he picked it up and held onto it tighter than I ever had. My offence had become his, and it wasn’t fair to the original person that had hurt me at all.
It’s why I try not to pass an offence or hurt on to other people, no matter how much someone has offended or hurt me. All it does in the end is make the problem bigger.
It’s not fun to walk away from a bitching session sometimes. But hell it’s good for the soul if you do. And it means you don’t let one person’s negative viewpoint colour your view of your own separate relationship with that person.
One thing I have learnt i this life more than anything else is how someone talks about others, is how they will one day talk about you. A year ago I made a conscious decision to only spend time with people who spend far more time encouraging others than tearing them down. It’s made my life alot happier and less stressful!
What am I going to do about the gossip about me? Well I’ve talked to the person who was most affected, and asked them to always ask me no matter how weird the information, if it is actually true. for the other people? I am not particularly worried. People believe what they want to believe. They’ll prefer a good story over truth every day. And I’m ok with that.
Gossip in itself is harmless. In the end of the day true honour is found in those who’s relationship with you is not impacted by the views of one or two other loud voices.

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