GIRL ASKS: How do I find out if a girl is into me?

I’m 16 and I consider myself lesbian. I’ve only ever been with one girl in
my life in a 8 month relationship that never ended working out. The thing is
I really want a girlfriend but I have no idea when a new girl I meet is just
being friendly or actually in to me. I never want to be blunt about it to
avoid embarrassment and too many people finding out. What should I do?

Congrats for being so clear so early on and learning to be open about it. This is something that never changes no matter your age. I am friends with several straight acting gay men who are always being hit on by straight women, and by many gay acting striaght men who are always being hit on by gay men- and they both struggle with exactly what you are talking about. And it’s the same for straight chicks with straight guys- we never know when to say we are interested, or if it’s just a friendship.

So the first thing is this- stop thinking of it as a same sex issue. Love is complicated enough for so many of us without thinking that because we are lesbian or gay it’s somehow harder. It’s not. There are people who will find it easy no matter what, and others who will find it complicated.

So make friends as they come along- and if you like someone more than a friend say it. I’ve had women say it to me and remained friends, just as I have with men who have- when the spark isn’t there. Some of them will tease and rebuff- but that happens in straight relationships too.

At you age a lot of girls are experimenting and kisses are not considered a sign of being a lesbian. It’s become part of the whole experimenting stage. So my only caution I would give would be the same whether you are straight, gay or lesbian- look after your heart, honour your own body, and be wise you you share it with.

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