They are not your problem

One of the most common questions I get asked is how to somehow control the reaction of another person so that they don’t over react, do anything stupid, or act in anyway that is embarrassing. My very simple answer is to stop worrying about it because they are not your problem. If we try to manipulate the situation to get the result we want, we may either water down the message we plan to make, or we prevent them to find strength inside themselves to actually rise up and sort out the issue.

Life sometimes is painful. In fact, life is NOT FAIR. And sometimes things happen that hurts.

People learn in the hurting bits. It makes people change, it gives them cause to reflect and alter behaviour, lifestyle and results. If we try to prevent that, are we doing it for their good, or are actually just trying to protect ourselves from their reaction?

As a parent I hate seeing my kids in pain. If it’s physical and it needs expert help I’ll sort it. If it’s emotional, I’ll support them, and be there. But even with my children, I am not responsible for them to sort their own thoughts out. If I always run to fix their life around them, they’ll not be strong enough to sort things out on the one day I’m not there.

I see people try to fix people who they love again and again. I did it myself for years. But my job is not to fix the people I love. It’s just to love them, speak the truth with gentleness and grace, and let them grow.

One thing I have learnt is many of the people I have had to separate myself from, or speak abut something that was between us that was negatively impacting our relationship, has actually been fine about it. In fact it’s often been a turing point in both of our lives in either a small or a big way. For the few that it hasn’t and the relationship remains fractured, I have also learnt that is also their right, and it is not something I can control.

All we are in charge of in this life, whether we are a mother, a partner, a company owner or a country leader, is our actions, and our responses to others. We are not in charge of how other’s react, and we never will be.

Learn to let go of the repsonsibility of someone else’s actions, responses and decisions. It actually is not your problem

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