BREAKFAST JUNE 10: Rachel Goodchild on Long Distance Relationships

Thinking about one, in one or couldn’t imagine anything worse?
I talked to Paul Henry on TVNZ’s Breakfast about long distance relationships
Alright first things first- I don’t care how gorgeous he is on skype or how amazing his email letters are, unless you’ve met him in person it’s a bad idea to think of someone who lives a distance away from you as your partner. It’s great to use technology to build relationships with others, but it’s very easy to become hurt, fooled or disappointed if you make a decision to commit to someone you’ve never met before.

The most important thing with any LDR is you both feel very clear that you are in the same place with the relationship. Staying in touch is not having a long distance relationship. It’s keeping his options open and making sure you are around when he gets back. It’s ok to keep options open- and it’s ok to stay in touch- but listen to what the other person is actually saying. You may not be in a LDR at all

Generally people move into an LDR when they know it’s for a finite amount of time. It might be they’ve got a work placement somewhere for a year, or have family commitments. Some can work very successfully for many years, giving both partners space to follow their own interests but then enjoying coming together as well. It’s all about what makes it comfortable and work for both of you. However there should be regular “as real as you can make it’ contact. If you’re having a LDR and it’s pretty much all by text and facebook it’s not a good sign. Most people in LDR invest a lot of time and energy to catch up face to face as much as possible. It’s about wanting to be with the other person and it should feel like both people are making an effort to connect with the other person.

There are some huge benefits to LDR. It normally slows the pace down a little. You can write real letters, email, skype, and then enjoy lots of “holiday breaks” together. You can go on dates to the movies or watch tv programmes together- sharing experiences at the same time, just n different cities. You can send each other baking, or little mementoes and enjoy a build up of romance and tension that makes meeting up fun.

Indefinite LDR’s only suit a small number of people. Planning an end to the long distance part early on is important. However it’s a good idea to remember that long distance, and living in your house relationships are two different things. Expect a few speed bumps once you move from LD to here all the time. Hopefully all that communication you’ve been practicing for all that time will pay off now.

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