How can I get my boyfriend to appreciate me?
June 3, 2010 by Rachel Goodchild
Filed under Couples, Families and Relationships, relationships
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now and we have been living together for 2 of those years. I feel like I would do anything for him, from straightening up the house to going out and getting him lunch, and now I’m even moving to another city with him (somewhere I’ve never lived and don’t know anyone there) so he can be close to his family. While I’m doing all of this, I don’t feel like I get the same kind of caring actions back from him. I love him, and I want us to work, but I don’t like feeling like he’s not being appreciative of what I do for him. What should I do?
Ok- I think what you are feeling is spot on. This is how it works- we all will happily take for free what we can get without thinking about the cost to the other person, if the other person doesn’t speak up. Why would we do anything extra to get stuff if we don’t need to? Sure, we are all nice people and we all want to be kind to each other, but get in a pattern where someone is giving us stuff with no expectation to respond in kind, and we’ll take it.
You’ve got two options. The first is to stop doing all that stuff. If he really wants it all he’ll adapt his behaviour to make sure it continues. The second is to change nothing but to drop your expectations, and accept him as he is.
Long term the first is probably the better option. It’s about making sure you and your feelings are understood too. He’ll change if there is reason to. If he’s not prepared to adapt his behaviour, then it will come down to whether you can live with that or not.
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Hi there in November last year I did the same thing and moved with my partner to another part of New Zealand, he said things would be better for us where we were going. I have bascially gone through the excat same thing but I left all my family, friends and even my children to be with this man, I have recently found out that he lies alot and he sees someone else when we return to our old town so i can visit my children. I feel like I love him and really want things to work out for us but I just cant see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore as it has got too far away. There is a child involved as 1 of my 5 children live with us, he is at a good school and getting the help he needs, please can someone help or give me some advice.
My advice to both of you is to leave your current man. I know a couple of guys that have put their partners through exactly what you’re describing, and both guys moved off with another partner before they ended it. In fact, the over lapping was by 2 and 6 months respectively. These two instances have finished within the last couple of months.
I know of a lot of other occasions this has happened as well, and I can’t think of one time it ended well. If you’re looking long term, it’s time to look elsewhere.