Ask Rachel

GIVEAWAY: An Ecostore Pamper Pack

Rachel Goodchild — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 07:32:11 +0000

My brother got me onto Ecostore products years ago, and they’ve been a regular part of my household shopping ever since. One of my kids has sensitive skin, and it has helped reduce reactions, and I like the fact I don’t get a chemical smell in my house when I’m cleaning.

I used the baby range for my kids and now we all use the body wash and soaps. They feel indulgent for me, but are safe for young skin too.

I’ve got a pamper pack to giveaway (worth $38) – you can either enter for yourself, or nominate someone to have one below.

The pack contains:
Pretty stamped paper bag tied with raffia and 100% recycled card tag.
with:
ecostore Rose & Cardamon Body Wash
ecostore Rose & Cardamon Hand Wash
ecostore Vanilla Soap
ecostore Lemongrass Soap
Natural Sea Sponge

Entries close 12th March

www.ecostore.co.nz

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BOOK REVIEW: Getting Over Mr Right

Rachel Goodchild — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 00:31:34 +0000

by Chrissie Manby

I was really looking forward to getting this book-the premise is perfect; a chick lit for today, with a girl getting over being dumped on Facebook by her boyfriend of three years.
It was a fun read, but I felt it just didn’t connect with me enough the way some chick lit books do. Maybe I’m a little more “plain” with my break up stories, though the decision to create a false account to Facebook stalk is one that I’ve heard more than one girl do- and I did love all the online connections, from references to facebook, to you tube and social networking.

In the end no matter whether we have the internet or not, getting over Mr Right can be one of the more tricky things to sort out- especially if it means you may have to face he was actually Mr NOT Right.

I’ve got the review copy of this book and would love to pass it on to someone to read- let me know if you’d like my copy and I’ll choose one and post it to you

A nice light and funny read.

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So I’m looking for a 43 year old dim witted Aucklander…

Rachel Goodchild — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 04:16:29 +0000

According to a recent study, the happiest and longest marriages are made when three things align:

1. the male is five years older than the female

2. the woman is 27% more intelligent than the male

3. you have the same cultural background.

Guess that’s going to narrow the field a little right? Perhaps I should put it on an internet dating site to see if it narrows the field a little…..

imagine: “wanted a 43 year old dumb arse who grew up on the North Shore.”

Actually I’ve always found five years is a good gap. The rest? Well I like men who are intelligent and clever and thinkers. I’m not sure I’d ever want to feel I was cleverer than them- I’d like to think it was an equal partnership. And while I agree that shared cultural backgrounds can help, that doesn’t mean it needs to be that you grew up in the same city. It’s about that congruency between shared beliefs and values, and how you see yourself in terms of your family and friends.

I’d love to know what you think makes a good match?

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Breakfast: Online Dating Tips

Rachel Goodchild — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 22:18:20 +0000

I sometimes forget that this website started from my book Eighty Eight Dates. It all seems such a long time ago that I whipped myself into a dating frenzy to research internet dating.

I spoke about this topic on Breakfast with Paul Henry this morning (was lovely to see him again!). It was a short segment so I’ve posted some extra information below to help out anyone who’s thinking about it.

(As an aside- I’m now blogging on Stuff about weight loss and I’m starting to see some difference to my appearance on camera from today compared to before Christmas. That’s motivating!)

Tips for successful internet dating

Internet dating can be a very effective tool. Numbers are growing all the time.- in fact around of a third of NZ’s singles are doing it. There are a wide range of sites available, and then of course, you can also use social media sites such as facebook, twitter and you tube to meet others. It always has an increase of numbers over the summer period, and many singles try it at least once.

The best way to find a great person is to make sure you are ready youself. If you’ve just gone threw a big break up, have just stopped having an affair with the boss, think all men are awful or even are still in a relationship and want an out, you need to avoid all types of dating.

You’ll need to spend money. Put the effort in and buy a subscription – it shows you are serious. The look for the ones who’ve spent money too. If they are quibbling about thirty dollars a month it’s not a great start.

Make a list of what you are looking for. Make it about qualities rather than attributes. Then read through the profiles looking for people who look like they match that. If your list is twenty items long, you’re being too picky.

Talk to everyone you can, meet as many people as you can off the site in the early stages. Meet for a coffee only, then you can plan to meet up again if you like each other. You can go back to writing a bit after you’ve met and make sure you take it slow.

Remember the following: people can look very different to their photos (and that goes both ways, so a bad photo may hide a real looker), avoid people who’ve been on the site for a long time, and people who have a pile of negative comments on their profile.

Make a decision to only stay on for two to three months. If you haven’t met someone, take a six month break then come back. The longer you are on there the less likely it is you’ll find someone “normal”.

Of course don’t give out personal information like your home address, bank information, your schedule because people could use it against you and you probably wouldn’t give out that type of information to a random in a bar so don’t give it out online.

One of the big differences to dating online versus in real life is you can develop huge on screen chemistry with someone that does not match up with real life. You allow your own thoughts to fill in the gaps that your other senses can’t give you. But if you use it simply as an introduction tool, rather than a way to speed up the dating process it’s very effective.You get a bigger reach, and hopefully the people are more likely to be available

I think the younger generation tend to jump into bed faster to show off all our tricks, and are missing out on the benefits of a slower paced relationship development. Internet dating can force us to go more old-fashioned in courtship funnily enough. It’s just a generational thing. If we started to engage our brains as much as we do our loins we might find it easier to meet someone who’s up for a longer term relationship

Remember it’s only one tool. It’s a good way to get your head around the fact you are open to love, but it’s not the only way. Remember to still socialise with friends normally as well!

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Need to vent? Just Don’t Press Send!

Rachel Goodchild — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 17:22:27 +0000

I spend a large amount of time writing. It’s my job after all. It hasn’t always been that way however. When I was at school my teachers despaired at the lack of effort I put into anything written. The problem wasn’t the writing- it was that I hadn’t found anything I was passionate about to write about. Once I discovered that I could type almost as fast as I could think, I found I had a way to record my thoughts and I was off.

However, whereas I still manage to think before I speak (most of the time), I am not so good at the whole thinking before I type thing. Yes.I have been guilty of writing some of those horrific venting emails.

They feel GREAT while you’re writing them don’t they? You pour out all your thoughts, you reread it for good measure, and then you press send.

You might still be feeling good a day or week later. But read one of them a month or year after that and you may feel a little different!

I’ve both send the odd vent and recieved a few. Sending it feels good. Getting one in your in box doesn’t. It actually makes you feel sick, and you shut down. You can’t talk about it, you can’t respond to it and you really wish it had never arrived.

I know that some of what I personally have said in writing I’d have happily said in person, but it is different. One is a moment you are both in at the same time, both feeling the vibe, hearing the tone and the context. And another is wham STUCK THERE. In the in box. FOREVER. And they can open up that email at any point. You don’t know what sort of day they’ve had or how they feel.

If you are an email ranter, then by all means write it -just don’t send it for a day or two. Think before you click. Sometimes just venting is enough. Or ring someone, actually connect. Either with someone who’ll give you a bit of clarity, or with the person in question. If they aren’t in your city or country, you can still call. Even facebook chat, or skype is better than an email.

A venting email is just you passing on your frustration to another person. It doesn’t fix things. But connection does.

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Go on- tell someone you love them

Rachel Goodchild — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 08:17:28 +0000

I used to have major avoidance issues. I’d avoid doing anything that didn’t feel good. Like taxes (I’m getting better) and paying bills (again, major improvements) and folding the washing (well…. two out of three ain’t bad right?)
I definitely avoided confrontation. And it was so long between moments of being honest I actually forgot what it felt like to actually open your mouth and say what you really really wanted to say. Then one day I realised I wasn’t speaking up and being honest to others about how I felt about them, or us, or anything in between because I was scared. I was avoiding anything that made me feel uncomfortable, and I had decided that just not doing anything was better.
The thing is NOT DOING something is still doing something. It’s still making a choice- but it’s a choice crippled by fear.
So I decided that I’d start doing things I feared. I still don’t fold the washing very much, becasue quite frankly that’s not a fear issue. It’s sheer dislike of folding the washing. But everything else- including speaking my mind alot more- that stuff I’m doing.
It’s not all been easy. I’ve definitely crashed and burned a few times. I’ve freaked a few people out, and probably spoken up too early, especially when it comes to relationships. Thankfully I, in the main, chose my people well and they coped. (and helped!) But if I look back over the last few years of doing so I have far less regrets than I used to about my life. I’m speaking what’s in my heart to people and that fear issue really isn’t there anymore. Sometimes it’s caused a wee bit of a ruckus at the time, but actually it’s meant the feelings have either strengthened or dissipated by doing some talking, and stuff gets sorted faster.
I’ve also learnt along the way that sometimes you don’t need to speak up- but that’s only because that fear isn’t my driver anymore.
I think people as a whole need to start taking some more emotional risks. So you like someone and you aren’t too sure if they like you- just TELL THEM for goodness sakes. If they don’t, then at least you know. If they can’t handle it, that’s their issue. But at least you’ve said your peace, and you know you’ve spoken your truth.
So go on- go tell someone you love them. You never know. They might just tell you they love you back.

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GIVEAWAY: Giovanni Organic Hair Care

Rachel Goodchild — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 01:49:51 +0000

I have hair that is temperamental and tricky. I measure my good hair days as opposed to my bad hair days as otherwise I’d lose count! It’s been helped by having a great hairdresser- Chloe at Stephen Marr, who has really helped me make peace with my curls big time.

Because my hair is a wee bit tricky to manage, I’m pretty picky about what shampoo I use. I was given some Giovanni Organic Hair Care to try and have become a huge fan. – and now use it all the time. I colour my hair about two shades darker than its natural tone, and even Chloe commented on how well the colour was staying in after I started using this shampoo.

As someone who is always a sucker for sensual pleasures, what I love is how good this shampoo looks and smells. Each one is different, depending on the colour of your hair.

I asked if I might be able to give some away – and got resounding yes!
I have two sets to give away.
All you need to do is say which one you want.
This shampoo comes in Perfectly Platinum, (for blondes) Brazenly Brunette, Boldly Black, and Remarkably Red.

I’ll pick two people on the 4th of March GOOD LUCK!

*If you can’t wait for the giveaway, this shampoo is available at Farmers, pharmacies and in health stores.

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They are not your problem

Rachel Goodchild — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 00:48:24 +0000

Are you bending over backwards to help others solve their problems?

One of the most common questions I get asked is how to somehow control the reaction of another person so that they don’t over react, do anything stupid, or act in anyway that is embarrassing. My very simple answer is to stop worrying about it because they are not your problem. If we try to manipulate the situation to get the result we want, we may either water down the message we plan to make, or we prevent them to find strength inside themselves to actually rise up and sort out the issue.

Life sometimes is painful. In fact, life is NOT FAIR. And sometimes things happen that hurts.

People learn in the hurting bits. It makes people change, it gives them cause to reflect and alter behaviour, lifestyle and results. If we try to prevent that, are we doing it for their good, or are actually just trying to protect ourselves from their reaction?

As a parent I hate seeing my kids in pain. If it’s physical and it needs expert help I’ll sort it. If it’s emotional, I’ll support them, and be there. But even with my children, I am not responsible for them to sort their own thoughts out. If I always run to fix their life around them, they’ll not be strong enough to sort things out on the one day I’m not there.

I see people try to fix people who they love again and again. I did it myself for years. But my job is not to fix the people I love. It’s just to love them, speak the truth with gentleness and grace, and let them grow.

One thing I have learnt is many of the people I have had to separate myself from, or speak abut something that was between us that was negatively impacting our relationship, has actually been fine about it. In fact it’s often been a turing point in both of our lives in either a small or a big way. For the few that it hasn’t and the relationship remains fractured, I have also learnt that is also their right, and it is not something I can control.

All we are in charge of in this life, whether we are a mother, a partner, a company owner or a country leader, is our actions, and our responses to others. We are not in charge of how other’s react, and we never will be.

Learn to let go of the repsonsibility of someone else’s actions, responses and decisions. It actually is not your problem

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BREAKFAST: Romance in the workplace

Rachel Goodchild — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 00:36:05 +0000

Well working as a freelancer might mean I’m not in the running for a workplace relationship but I’ve been in a few- and they can be a little like walking through a minefield!

I talked about the topic of Love in the Workplace on Breakfast this morning.

At the end of the clip I mentioned the gossip that goes around when people are going out (or not) One thing I’ve learnt in the past is if you hear a juicy bit of gossip about someone – if you’re going to pass it on (not that you probably should) at least check it’s true, and if the person is ok about anyone else knowing.

I get to hear all sorts of things about the ins and outs of people’s love lives as part of my job. Sometimes direct from the source, and other times from others, passing on information I often wish I didn’t know about someone’s sexual activities or the scandal that happened between them and the secretary. I know the tell me because I don’t pass it on, but not everyone is so closed lipped.

Gossip can put a huge amount of pressure on an emerging relationship. We don’t understand why some people fall in love- but unless there is abuse or violence is it something we need to judge?

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How much of your love life is recorded online?

Rachel Goodchild — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 07:55:54 +0000

I got sent this awesome video- it’s a four minute long video of a whole relationship documented in photos- some candid, some posed. (And it’s not TRUE but it IS awesome!)

Thrush from Gabriel Bisset-Smith on Vimeo.

I love it, not just because it’s clever, but because it reminds me how much of our life is documented now. We can search for tweets, see photos on facebook, follow someone easily just with their online footprint. And then there are PXT’s, texts, emails…. the list goes on.

It makes it hard to cut ties if you break up and it means it’s very easy to find out info about a new partner. A google stalk is all part of the courtship process, and don’t even get me started on the pure delight of many who find a crush has an unlocked facebook profile. Every photo checked and analyzed to work out past or current loves- or in the case of a break up- whether they’ve met someone new.

Are we just living a bit too much in each other’s pockets?

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